The Worst Super Mario Game

The Worst Super Mario Game

Strip Info

Title
The Worst Super Mario Game
Date
October 17, 2021
Tags
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Notes

3D modeling by the insanely talented Henrik Andersson. Check him out!

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Video Game – Day

The title screen of a video game shows a 3D rendering of two plumbers standing next to their van. One, wearing a red shirt and hat with blue overalls folds his arms. The other, wearing a green shirt and hat with blue overalls, checks his phone while smoking a cigarette. The title reads “Super Realistic Mario Bros.” Under that reads “Press Start.” At the bottom of the screen, a tagline reads “© 2021 Nintendo.”

Panel 2 : Int. Video Game – Later

Panel 2: Another screenshot from the same game. Now in a kitchen, the red plumber lies with his head in a cabinet under a sink. His arm stretches out to the green plumber, who hunches over a toolbox. Dialogue from the red plumber at the bottom of the screen reads, “Hand me that wrench, would ya?” Under that, three options are presented: a) Pipe, b) Basin, and c) Crescent.

Panel 3 : Int. Video Game – Later

Another screenshot from the same game. Now in a basement, the red plumber hunches next to a water heater. Behind him, the green plumber stands next to a blonde woman. Dressed in pink, she folds her arms in distain. Dialogue from the red plumber at the bottom of the screen reads, “Sorry, Princess. But the part we need is on backorder…” Under that, two options are presented: a) Reschedule, and b) Charge x2.

Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Two kids sit on a couch, controllers in hand.

Kid 1
This game sucks.
Kid 2
Wait ’til we get to ‘Paperwork Island.’

The Secret of My Success

The Secret of My Success
Bonus Panel
The Secret of My Success

Strip Info

Title
The Secret of My Success
Date
October 10, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. New York City – Day

Close up on Captain America, during that famous scene in the big battle of the first Avengers movie.

Captain America
Kevin, you haven’t taken any time off from work in over a year. How are you not burnt out?
Panel 2 : Ext. New York City – Continuous

Kevin, walking away, looks back over his shoulder with a smile.

Kevin
That my secret, Cap…
Panel 3 : Ext. New York City – Continuous

Closer on Kevin. Still with the cocky smile.

Kevin
…I’m always burnt out!
Panel 4 : Ext. New York City – Continuous

Reverse on Kevin as he faces away from Captain America. His smile is gone. Replaced by the hundred-yard stare, heavy eyelids, and sagging mouth of someone at his wits’ end. Cap stands confused behind him.

Panel 5 : Ext. New York City – Continuous

Wide shot from behind Kevin as that flying alien catepillar thing approaches him. Kevin’s shoulders slump.

Kevin
-Sigh- Can we not?

Digital Artists During Inktober

Digital Artists During Inktober

Strip Info

Title
Digital Artists During Inktober
Date
October 3, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Home – Day

Kevin sits at his desk, drawing on paper with a crow quill pen. His bird sits watching on a nearby cup of pens.

Kevin
I love Inktober. After drawing digitally all year, it’s great to get back to basics.
Panel 2 : Int. Home – Continuous

Close up on Kevin’s hand drawing. The bird looks on.

Kevin
The flow of the ink. The tooth of the paper. Each mark so permanent. So unforgiving.
Panel 3 : Int. Home – Continuous

The bird hops up on his shoulder.

Kevin
It forces you to slow down and appreciate the process of drawing again.
Panel 4 : Int. Home – Continuous

The bird speaks.

Bird
Missing that ‘undo’ button, aren’t ya?
Kevin
(screaming)
SO MUCH!

Blue’s Clues Blues

Blue’s Clues Blues

Strip Info

Title
Blue’s Clues Blues
Date
September 19, 2021
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Kevin’s Int. Living Room – Day

Kevin’s POV: Steve from Blues Clues speaks in a clip from that recent video.

Steve
And then you at you! And look at all you’ve accomplished!
Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s Living Room – Continuous

Up angle on Kevin, who is watching the clip on his phone, derpy look on his face. The bird watches over his shoulder.

Steve (OS)
And it’s just… it’s just so amazing, right?
Panel 3 : Int. Kevin’s Living Room – Continuous

Wide angle of Kevin’s shitty bachelor apartment. Laundry on the floor. Dirty plates and trash strewn about. Unopened mail. Framed Quentin Tarantino movie posters on the wall. And that one torch lamp every dude had in the early 00s. Kevin sits slumped on the couch, in his boxers and socks, watching the video on his phone.

Bird
He’s not talking to you.
Kevin
I figured.

After You

After You

Strip Info

Title
After You
Date
September 12, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Home – Day

Kevin sits on his couch. His bird perched on his hand.

Kevin
Have you ever eaten a worm?
Bird
No. I’m an indoor bird.
Panel 2 : Int. Home – Continuous

The bird hops to Kevin’s shoulder.

Bird
Have you?
Kevin
Nope.
Panel 3 : Int. Home – Continuous

Kevin continues.

Kevin
D-do you want to?
Bird
Do you?
Panel 4 : Int. Home – Continuous

Kevin shrugs.

Kevin
I mean…
Bird
…Cuz it sounds like you do.
Panel 4 : Int. Home – Moments Later

Kevin and the bird face off on opposite sides of a plate with an earthworm on it. Kevin raises his eyebrows.

Bird
(skeptical)
O.K. What’s… what’s going on here?

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 2

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 2

Strip Info

Title
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 2
Date
September 5, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day

A storybook king stands atop his castle, addressing his subjects below. Behind him, flames and a great plume of smoke waft skywards.

King
Good news! I have a plan to end the wildfiles ravaging our kingdom…
Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous

The crowd below cheers.

Crowd
Huzzah!
Panel 3 : Ext. Castle – Continuous

The king continues

King
…over the next thirty years!
Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night

A modern-day child lays in their bed, looking confused.

Little Boy
Wait- Why thirty years? The forest is on fire now!

Sitting at the foot of the bed, the mother scowls at the bedtime story she’s reading.

Mom
Because the king and all his rich friends will be dead by then.

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1

Strip Info

Title
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
Date
August 22, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day

The Tale of Climate Policy

A medieval King stands on the wall of his castle, looking over the nearby village. An aide stands next to him, gesturing at the burning forest beyond.

Aide
Your Highness, the forest beyond the village is aflame again!
King
Hmmm. What seems to be the cause?
Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous

The King listens, stroking his beard and pondering.

Aide
We believe it to be the sparks from the Blacksmith’s shop.
King
Then I shall speak to the Blacksmith!
Panel 3 : Int. Blacksmith’s Shop – Later

The King stands opposite the Blacksmith in his shop. The Blacksmith is twice the size of the King and twice as mean-looking. A nearby kiln showers sparks everywhere.

King
Fair Blacksmith! Could you please produce less sparks from your shop?
Blacksmith
No.
Panel 4 : Ext. Castle – Later

The King stands atop his castle wall, addressing the villagers below. Behind him, a great plume of smoke and embers rises.

King
I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN TO STOP THE FOREST FIRES!

Jenga For Beginners

Jenga For Beginners

Strip Info

Title
Jenga For Beginners
Date
August 15, 2021
Tags
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Notes

This comics was written by the criminally funny Opus Moreschi

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

A man stands hunched over a table, hand to his forehead, biting his lip in nervousness. On either side of him, his friends gather, shouting with anticipation. On the table in front of them is a single, rectangular block of wood, standing on it’s end like a tower. A very stable tower. The nervous man raises his hand to touch it. To the side, a box lies open with the label “Jenga For Beginners.”

An Important Message From The Future

An Important Message From The Future

Strip Info

Title
An Important Message From The Future
Date
August 8, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

In the year 2006…

Past Kevin is startled by Future Kevin, who reaches for him through a time portal.

Future Kevin
“Hey! I’m you from the future! I have something very important you need to hear…”
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

Future Kevin gets to the point.

Future Kevin
Not every piece of media is for you.
Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

Past Kevin listens skeptically as Future Kevin continues.

Future Kevin
Instead of publically complaining about a movie, tv show, or band you don’t like, try thinking ‘This is not for me’ and moving on.
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

Past Kevin frowns.

Past Kevin
Okay… but why come back and tell me this now?
Future Kevin
You’re about to join this thing called ‘Twitter…’

The Kingdom That Almost Won

The Kingdom That Almost Won

Strip Info

Title
The Kingdom That Almost Won
Date
August 1, 2021
Tags
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Notes

This comic went crazy viral (go figure). Here’s my Twitter thread examining the spread.

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Kingdumb – Day

A medieval knight points at a giant dragon lying on its back in a destroyed village. The knight beckons to nearby villagers.

Knight
Look! The dragon is almost slain! Let us arm ourselves and end its reign of terror!
Panel 2 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous

The nearby villagers look at their armor with skepticism.

Villager 1
Wait- What’s this armor made of?
Villager 2
The court jester says it makes you magnetic…

A third villager wears a helmet with visor hanging under his chin.

Villager 3
I can’t breathe in this helmet!
Panel 3 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous

The knight looks on in despair as the villagers continue.

Villager 1
Don’t push your pro-armor agenda on us!
Villager 2
The dragon hasn’t eaten anyone -I- know.
Villager 3
We should let the dragon eat us until it gets full.

Meanwhile, the dragon looms over the knight.

Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night

In a modern-day child’s bedroom, a little boy in bed furrows his brow.

Little Boy
I don’t like this story. The people are dumb.

Sitting at the foot of his bed, his mother hunches over a storybook, head in hands.

Mom
-Sigh- I know.