The Worst Super Mario Game
Strip Info
- Title
- The Worst Super Mario Game
- Date
- October 17, 2021
- Tags
- 3D art, collab, Mario, plumbing, realism, Super Mario Bros, videogames
- Notes
-
3D modeling by the insanely talented Henrik Andersson. Check him out!
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Video Game – Day
-
The title screen of a video game shows a 3D rendering of two plumbers standing next to their van. One, wearing a red shirt and hat with blue overalls folds his arms. The other, wearing a green shirt and hat with blue overalls, checks his phone while smoking a cigarette. The title reads “Super Realistic Mario Bros.” Under that reads “Press Start.” At the bottom of the screen, a tagline reads “© 2021 Nintendo.”
- Panel 2 : Int. Video Game – Later
-
Panel 2: Another screenshot from the same game. Now in a kitchen, the red plumber lies with his head in a cabinet under a sink. His arm stretches out to the green plumber, who hunches over a toolbox. Dialogue from the red plumber at the bottom of the screen reads, “Hand me that wrench, would ya?” Under that, three options are presented: a) Pipe, b) Basin, and c) Crescent.
- Panel 3 : Int. Video Game – Later
-
Another screenshot from the same game. Now in a basement, the red plumber hunches next to a water heater. Behind him, the green plumber stands next to a blonde woman. Dressed in pink, she folds her arms in distain. Dialogue from the red plumber at the bottom of the screen reads, “Sorry, Princess. But the part we need is on backorder…” Under that, two options are presented: a) Reschedule, and b) Charge x2.
- Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Two kids sit on a couch, controllers in hand.
-
- Kid 1
- This game sucks.
- Kid 2
- Wait ’til we get to ‘Paperwork Island.’
The Secret of My Success
Bonus Panel
Strip Info
- Title
- The Secret of My Success
- Date
- October 10, 2021
- Tags
- Avengers, bonus panel, burnout, Captain America, city, Kevin, Marvel, memes, mental health, movies, New York City, parody, self care
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. New York City – Day
-
Close up on Captain America, during that famous scene in the big battle of the first Avengers movie.
-
- Captain America
- Kevin, you haven’t taken any time off from work in over a year. How are you not burnt out?
- Panel 2 : Ext. New York City – Continuous
-
Kevin, walking away, looks back over his shoulder with a smile.
-
- Kevin
- That my secret, Cap…
- Panel 3 : Ext. New York City – Continuous
-
Closer on Kevin. Still with the cocky smile.
-
- Kevin
- …I’m always burnt out!
- Panel 4 : Ext. New York City – Continuous
-
Reverse on Kevin as he faces away from Captain America. His smile is gone. Replaced by the hundred-yard stare, heavy eyelids, and sagging mouth of someone at his wits’ end. Cap stands confused behind him.
- Panel 5 : Ext. New York City – Continuous
-
Wide shot from behind Kevin as that flying alien catepillar thing approaches him. Kevin’s shoulders slump.
-
- Kevin
- -Sigh- Can we not?
Digital Artists During Inktober
Strip Info
- Title
- Digital Artists During Inktober
- Date
- October 3, 2021
- Tags
- art, Bird, creativity, digital art, drawing, Inktober, Kevin, pen and ink
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Home – Day
-
Kevin sits at his desk, drawing on paper with a crow quill pen. His bird sits watching on a nearby cup of pens.
-
- Kevin
- I love Inktober. After drawing digitally all year, it’s great to get back to basics.
- Panel 2 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
Close up on Kevin’s hand drawing. The bird looks on.
-
- Kevin
- The flow of the ink. The tooth of the paper. Each mark so permanent. So unforgiving.
- Panel 3 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
The bird hops up on his shoulder.
-
- Kevin
- It forces you to slow down and appreciate the process of drawing again.
- Panel 4 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
The bird speaks.
-
- Bird
- Missing that ‘undo’ button, aren’t ya?
- Kevin
(screaming) - SO MUCH!
Blue’s Clues Blues
Strip Info
- Title
- Blue’s Clues Blues
- Date
- September 19, 2021
- Tags
- apartment, bachelor pad, Bird, Blues Clues, childhood, couch, Kevin, mental health, nostalgia, self care, Steve from Blues Clues, TV
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Kevin’s Int. Living Room – Day
-
Kevin’s POV: Steve from Blues Clues speaks in a clip from that recent video.
-
- Steve
- And then you at you! And look at all you’ve accomplished!
- Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s Living Room – Continuous
-
Up angle on Kevin, who is watching the clip on his phone, derpy look on his face. The bird watches over his shoulder.
-
- Steve (OS)
- And it’s just… it’s just so amazing, right?
- Panel 3 : Int. Kevin’s Living Room – Continuous
-
Wide angle of Kevin’s shitty bachelor apartment. Laundry on the floor. Dirty plates and trash strewn about. Unopened mail. Framed Quentin Tarantino movie posters on the wall. And that one torch lamp every dude had in the early 00s. Kevin sits slumped on the couch, in his boxers and socks, watching the video on his phone.
-
- Bird
- He’s not talking to you.
- Kevin
- I figured.
After You
Strip Info
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Home – Day
-
Kevin sits on his couch. His bird perched on his hand.
-
- Kevin
- Have you ever eaten a worm?
- Bird
- No. I’m an indoor bird.
- Panel 2 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
The bird hops to Kevin’s shoulder.
-
- Bird
- Have you?
- Kevin
- Nope.
- Panel 3 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
Kevin continues.
-
- Kevin
- D-do you want to?
- Bird
- Do you?
- Panel 4 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
Kevin shrugs.
-
- Kevin
- I mean…
- Bird
- …Cuz it sounds like you do.
- Panel 4 : Int. Home – Moments Later
-
Kevin and the bird face off on opposite sides of a plate with an earthworm on it. Kevin raises his eyebrows.
-
- Bird
(skeptical) - O.K. What’s… what’s going on here?
- Bird
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 2
Strip Info
- Title
- The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 2
- Date
- September 5, 2021
- Tags
- bedtime story, castle, climate change, forest fires, King, The Kingdumb, villagers
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day
-
A storybook king stands atop his castle, addressing his subjects below. Behind him, flames and a great plume of smoke waft skywards.
-
- King
- Good news! I have a plan to end the wildfiles ravaging our kingdom…
- Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous
-
The crowd below cheers.
-
- Crowd
- Huzzah!
- Panel 3 : Ext. Castle – Continuous
-
The king continues
-
- King
- …over the next thirty years!
- Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night
-
A modern-day child lays in their bed, looking confused.
-
- Little Boy
- Wait- Why thirty years? The forest is on fire now!
-
Sitting at the foot of the bed, the mother scowls at the bedtime story she’s reading.
-
- Mom
- Because the king and all his rich friends will be dead by then.
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
Strip Info
- Title
- The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
- Date
- August 22, 2021
- Tags
- blacksmith, castle, climate change, dumb things people do, forest fires, King, politics, The Kingdumb, villagers, white people
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day
-
A medieval King stands on the wall of his castle, looking over the nearby village. An aide stands next to him, gesturing at the burning forest beyond.
-
- Aide
- Your Highness, the forest beyond the village is aflame again!
- King
- Hmmm. What seems to be the cause?
- Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous
-
The King listens, stroking his beard and pondering.
-
- Aide
- We believe it to be the sparks from the Blacksmith’s shop.
- King
- Then I shall speak to the Blacksmith!
- Panel 3 : Int. Blacksmith’s Shop – Later
-
The King stands opposite the Blacksmith in his shop. The Blacksmith is twice the size of the King and twice as mean-looking. A nearby kiln showers sparks everywhere.
-
- King
- Fair Blacksmith! Could you please produce less sparks from your shop?
- Blacksmith
- No.
- Panel 4 : Ext. Castle – Later
-
The King stands atop his castle wall, addressing the villagers below. Behind him, a great plume of smoke and embers rises.
-
- King
- I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN TO STOP THE FOREST FIRES!
Jenga For Beginners
Strip Info
- Title
- Jenga For Beginners
- Date
- August 15, 2021
- Tags
- board games, dumb things people do, guest writer, jenga, single panel
- Notes
-
This comics was written by the criminally funny Opus Moreschi
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
A man stands hunched over a table, hand to his forehead, biting his lip in nervousness. On either side of him, his friends gather, shouting with anticipation. On the table in front of them is a single, rectangular block of wood, standing on it’s end like a tower. A very stable tower. The nervous man raises his hand to touch it. To the side, a box lies open with the label “Jenga For Beginners.”
An Important Message From The Future
Strip Info
- Title
- An Important Message From The Future
- Date
- August 8, 2021
- Tags
- advice, etiquette, Future Kevin, Kevin, movies, Past Kevin, social media, time travel, TV
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
Past Kevin is startled by Future Kevin, who reaches for him through a time portal.
-
- Future Kevin
- “Hey! I’m you from the future! I have something very important you need to hear…”
- Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Future Kevin gets to the point.
-
- Future Kevin
- Not every piece of media is for you.
- Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Past Kevin listens skeptically as Future Kevin continues.
-
- Future Kevin
- Instead of publically complaining about a movie, tv show, or band you don’t like, try thinking ‘This is not for me’ and moving on.
- Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Past Kevin frowns.
-
- Past Kevin
- Okay… but why come back and tell me this now?
- Future Kevin
- You’re about to join this thing called ‘Twitter…’
The Kingdom That Almost Won
Strip Info
- Title
- The Kingdom That Almost Won
- Date
- August 1, 2021
- Tags
- bedtime story, COVID, dragon, dumb things people do, knight, medieval, misinformation, pandemic, The Kingdumb, villagers, white people
- Notes
-
This comic went crazy viral (go figure). Here’s my Twitter thread examining the spread.
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Kingdumb – Day
-
A medieval knight points at a giant dragon lying on its back in a destroyed village. The knight beckons to nearby villagers.
-
- Knight
- Look! The dragon is almost slain! Let us arm ourselves and end its reign of terror!
- Panel 2 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous
-
The nearby villagers look at their armor with skepticism.
-
- Villager 1
- Wait- What’s this armor made of?
- Villager 2
- The court jester says it makes you magnetic…
-
A third villager wears a helmet with visor hanging under his chin.
-
- Villager 3
- I can’t breathe in this helmet!
- Panel 3 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous
-
The knight looks on in despair as the villagers continue.
-
- Villager 1
- Don’t push your pro-armor agenda on us!
- Villager 2
- The dragon hasn’t eaten anyone -I- know.
- Villager 3
- We should let the dragon eat us until it gets full.
-
Meanwhile, the dragon looms over the knight.
- Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night
-
In a modern-day child’s bedroom, a little boy in bed furrows his brow.
-
- Little Boy
- I don’t like this story. The people are dumb.
-
Sitting at the foot of his bed, his mother hunches over a storybook, head in hands.
-
- Mom
- -Sigh- I know.