Sheet Cake Rules Everything Around Me
Strip Info
- Title
- Sheet Cake Rules Everything Around Me
- Date
- March 16, 2019
- Tags
- baking, competition, correct opinions, fancy cakes, food, Kevin, Sarah, sheetcake, smoking
- Notes
-
When I first posted this comic, I got some comments misinterpreting it as being about white male privilege. I can see how one might read that into it, so I redrew it with Sarah. Same joke – just hopefully a little more clear.
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Auxiliary Hall – Day
-
Two Judges look over Chef Alexis’ cake. One of them has a clipboard. Alexis stands alongside it with a smile.
-
- Judge #1
- …And what have we here?
- Chef Alexis
- This is a peanut butter banana cake with whipped ganache.
- Panel 2 : Int. Auxiliary Hall – Moments Later
-
Two Judges look over Chef Rie’s cake. Rie stands alongside it with a smile.
-
- Judge #1
- …And this?
- Chef Rie
- A chocolate hazelnut cake with salted caramel sauce.
- Panel 3 : Int. Auxiliary Hall – Moments Later
-
Two Judges look over Kevin’s cake. He stands nearby, arms crossed, smoking.
-
- Kevin
- This is a yellow sheet cake I bought at the grocery store.
- Panel 4 : Int. Auxiliary Hall – Later
-
Kevin stands on the winner’s pedestal at the #1 spot. A large trophy at his feet. Still smoking, he holds his arms out as if to say, “What do you want from me?” Alexis sits at second place, upset. Rie sits at third place, sad.
The Correct Volume
Strip Info
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Evening
-
Close up on the upper-righthand corner of a TV screen. A green overlay reads “Volume: 67”
- Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Egg and Toast sit on their couch, watching said TV. Toast holds the remote. Wrapped in a blanket, Egg lays next to them.
-
- Egg
- Turn it up to “70,” please.
- Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Toast pauses.
-
- Toast
- Why?
- Egg
- It has to be a mulitple of 5.
- Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Toast looks confused.
-
- Toast
- …Why?
- Egg
- Ssssh! I’m trying to watch!
My Most Valuable Skill
Strip Info
- Title
- My Most Valuable Skill
- Date
- February 20, 2019
- Tags
- job interview, Kevin, microwave, power move, salmon, social interactions
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Office – Day
-
Kevin sits across a desk from a middle-manager who is looking at Kevin’s resume while clicking a pen. A cup on the table tells us this is Brad.
-
- Brad
- So. What would you say is your most valuable skill?
- Panel 2 : Int. Office – Continuous
-
Across the desk, Kevin deadpans.
-
- Kevin
- Heating up fish in the office microwave… and pinning it on other people.
- Panel 3 : Int. Office – Continuous
-
Brad’s eyes bug out as someone cries out from the other room.
-
- Someone (OS)
- Ugh! What stinks?
Oh c’mon, Brad!
- Panel 4 : Int. Office – Continuous
-
Kevin smiles a shit-eating grin.
The Power of Waffles
Strip Info
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Bedroom – Day
-
Egg lays in bed. Wrapped in a purple comforter. Toast stands at the foot.
-
- Toast
- Are you getting out of bed today?
- Egg
- No.
- Panel 2 : Int. Bedroom – Continuous
-
Egg doesn’t move.
-
- Egg
- The world is hot garbage. I live here now.
- Panel 3 : Int. Bedroom – Continuous
-
Toast makes an offering.
-
- Toast
- I made waffles.
- Panel 4 : Int. Dining Room – Moments Later
-
Egg & Toast sit at a little table. Eating waffles. Toast is all smiles. Egg is still wrapped in the comforter.
-
- Egg
- Damn you.
I’m. Dumb.
Strip Info
- Title
- I’m. Dumb.
- Date
- February 6, 2019
- Tags
- dumb things people do, Everyday Stupidity, injury, Kevin, microwave
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Kitchen – Evening
-
INSERT – A hand holds a microwave burrito box. It reads:
Microwave Instructions
1. Remove burrito from wrapper
2. Microwave on HIGH for 4-5 minutes
3. LET STAND FOR 2 MINUTES
CAUTION: CONTENTS HOT - Panel 2 : Int. Kitchen – Continuous
-
Holding said burrito box, Kevin stands in front of his microwave. It DINGS. Done.
- Panel 3 : Int. Kitchen – Continuous
-
Kevin opens the microwave door. Flames shoot up from the burrito inside.
- Panel 4 : Int. Kitchen – Continuous
-
Kevin picks up the molten burrito and is about to put it in his mouth.
-
- Kevin
- (thinking)
I’m sure it’s fine.
Holiday Party Reruns
Strip Info
- Title
- Holiday Party Reruns
- Date
- December 15, 2018
- Tags
- bffs, couples, Egg & Toast, holiday party, holidays, social interactions
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Holiday Party – Friday Night
-
Dressed in festive holiday gear, Egg and Toast hold drinks and mingle. Toast is telling the punchline of a joke. Egg smiles.
-
- Toast
- …And that’s when I realized …the cat was really a dog!
- Panel 2 : Int. Holiday Party – Saturday Night
-
Another party. Different holiday gear. Different friend. Same joke.
-
- Toast
- …And that’s when I realized …the cat was really a dog!
-
Egg’s smile fades.
- Panel 3 : Int. Holiday Party – Sunday Night
-
You guessed it. Egg has had enough.
-
- Toast
- …And that’s when I realized-
- Egg
(interrupting) - -the cat was really a dog.
- Panel 4 : Ext. Sidewalk – Later
-
Egg and Toast walk home down a snowy lane. They hold hands.
-
- Egg
- We need to get you new jokes.
- Toast
- …Or go to fewer holiday parties.
A Good Fwump
Strip Info
- Title
- A Good Fwump
- Date
- December 3, 2018
- Tags
- anxiety, belly flop, bffs, couples, Egg & Toast, love
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
Egg lies on the ground in the fetal position. A shell-shocked (get it?) look on it’s face.
- Whenever I’m feeling anxious and overwhelmed…
- Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Toast walks in. Stands over Egg with a look of concern.
- I know I can count on you…
- Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Toast flops face-down over Egg. Covering it. “Fwump!”
- …To lie on top of me like a weirdo.
- Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Toast just lays there. A heart floats up from Egg.
Sliding Doors
Strip Info
- Title
- Sliding Doors
- Date
- November 16, 2018
- Tags
- Jedi, Kevin, Padawan, pop culture, shopping, single panel, Star Wars, Wall-Mart
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Wal-Maht – Day
-
Kevin steps up to the sliding glass doors of a Wal-Maht.
- Ever since I was a kid, I’ve loved automatic sliding doors.
- Panel 2 : Ext. Wal-Maht – Continuous
-
Extreme close-up on Kevin’s eyes.
- I still pretend I’m opening them with my mind.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Tatooine – Dusk
-
[Fantasy] Kevin, dressed in Jedi garb, waves his hand to open the sliding glass doors.
- …like a Jedi
- Panel 4 : Int. Wal-Maht – Continuous
-
Kevin strides confidently past a Greeter.
-
- Greeter
- Welcome to Wal-
- Kevin
(interrupting) - To the sock section, my Padawan!
When You Can’t Take A Compliment
Strip Info
- Title
- When You Can’t Take A Compliment
- Date
- October 15, 2018
- Tags
- Brad Cooper, funny faces, Kevin, Lady Gaga, movies, pop culture, shallows
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Jersey Home – Evening
-
Bradley Cooper leans out from the window of his black SUV.
-
- Bradley Cooper
- Hey…
- Panel 2 : Ext. Jersey Home – Continuous
-
Near the front gate, Kevin turns around. Interest peaked.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Jersey Home – Continuous
-
Cooper’s eyes twinkle.
-
- Bradley Cooper
- I just wanted to take another look at you.
- Panel 4 : Ext. Jersey Home – Continuous
-
Kevin’s face contorts into the worst “pretty ugly” smile imaginable.
The Hogwarts Sorting Hat Is A Jerk
Strip Info
- Title
- The Hogwarts Sorting Hat Is A Jerk
- Date
- August 31, 2018
- Tags
- Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Hogwarts, Kevin, Muggles, pop culture, shame, Sorting Hat
- Notes
-
This comic is a perennial favorite. Every couple of months, a Harry Potter themed Instagram account will post it. Then all the others will too. People love the Harry Potter, what can I say?
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Hogwarts – Night
-
A new Hogwarts student smiles as the Sorting Hat proclaims his house.
-
- Sorting Hat
- Gryffindor!
- Panel 2 : Int. Hogwarts – Moments Later
-
Same thing. But with a different student.
-
- Sorting Hat
- Hufflepuff!
- Panel 3 : Int. Hogwarts – Moments Later
-
Same thing. Only this time with Kevin.
-
- Sorting Hat
- Only saw the movies! Never read the books!
- Panel 4 : Ext. Hogwarts – Moments Later
-
Surrounded by new students, Dumbledore banishes Kevin from Hogwarts. Kevin, shoulders slumped, walks away.