Grustle Hours

Grustle Hours
Bonus Panel
Grustle Hours

Strip Info

Title
Grustle Hours
Date
July 14, 2024
Tags
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Notes

I think about time a lot. Like a whole lot. There’s so much I want to do in my lifetime. So I worry that, unless I make the most of every minute, I won’t get to everything. This anxiety has made me very susceptible to productivity and hustle culture. The Grustle Monster is, obviously, the embodiment of my anxiety. I have conversations like this with him every day.

But lately, my relationship to time and achievement has been changing. Part of that has been due to several big personal events in the last year. Part of it is due to reading the book 4000 Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. Now I’m trying to think about time as this beautiful, limited resource of unknown quantity. This lovely video from my old boss Ze Frank sums it up nicely.

So do you have a Grustle Monster in your head? How do you deal with him?

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Day

Kevin lays on his couch, looking at his phone. Behind him, The Grustle Monster stands with his arms crossed.

Grustle Monster
Eight hours for sleep. Eight hours for work. Two hours for meals. One hour for exercise.
Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

The Grustle Monster continues.

Grustle Monster
That leaves five hours per day for your side-hustle. You say you don’t have time, but it’s your discipline that’s lacking.
Panel 3 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

Annoyed, Kevin retorts.

Kevin
You forgot: two hours for commute, three hours for family, two hours for bathing and chores…
Panel 4 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

The Grustle Monster does the math.

Grustle Monster
That’s twenty-seven hours per day.
Kevin
So piss off.
Bonus Panel : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Moments Later

Kevin, still on his couch, still looking at his phone.

Grustle Monster
Where does ‘Scrolling Social Media for Two Hours” fit?
Kevin
SELF CARE!

Every. Job. Site.

Every. Job. Site.
Bonus Panel
Every. Job. Site.

Strip Info

Title
Every. Job. Site.
Date
February 13, 2024
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Office – Day

A website—personified with glasses, a moustache, and arms and hands—sits in a chair at a desk. Across its forehead is written EVERY JOB SITE. It beckons to someone off-camera.

Website
Just give me your resumé and I’ll auto-populate our application for you!
Panel 2 : Int. Office – Continuous

Wide shot revealing Kevin sitting on the other side of the desk. Wearing a short-sleeved dress shirt and red tie, he hands his resume to the website.

Panel 3 : Int. Office – Continuous

The website adjusts its glasses, looking at Kevin’s resume.

Website
Ah! I see your last job was “Resumé” with a start date of “Baltimore” and an end date of “Microsoft Word”
Panel 4 : Int. Office – Continuous

Reverse on Kevin. He frowns and beckons the website to give him his paper back.

Kevin
-Sigh- Just let me do it.
Panel 5 : Int. Office – Moments Later

Kevin and the website still sitting at the desk.

Website
Isn’t this a Dilbert comic?
Kevin
No. I’m not a racist.
Kevin and his bird peering out from behind an email app's icon

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Just Trying To Make A Living

Just Trying To Make A Living
Bonus Panel
Just Trying To Make A Living

Strip Info

Title
Just Trying To Make A Living
Date
December 4, 2023
Tags
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Notes

Don’t tell Instagram, but I’ve started a Patreon. Patreon, if you don’t know, is a membership site where you can get access to exclusive bonus material from me for a small monthly fee. Tiers start at $2 a month and come with a bunch of cool stuff: including bonus comics; old, embarrassing comics from my archive; and a monthly, invite-only “Draw With Me” livestream. Join me!

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

A cartoon version of You, with all your wit, charm, and good looks, walks up to Kevin and waves.

You
Hi, Kevin! I really like your comics and cartoons!
Kevin
Gee thanks!
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

Kevin motions to a nearby door. It’s a frosted glass door with a sign over it. Cut off by the panel border, the sign reads only “Patre”. Beyond the frosted glass door, we can kinda make out baloons and some type of flashy lighting. Looks like a real party.

Kevin
You know, I have some great bonus stuff over here if you’re interested.
Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

You smile that winning smile everyone loves.

You
Oh cool! You’ve got a Patre-
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

From off-screen, Kevin interrupts you by shoving his hand in your face. His finger presses your lips, quieting you.

Kevin
Shhhh!
Panel 5 : Int. Void – Continuous

Kevin comes in close next to you, pressing his cheek into yours.

Kevin (whispering)
The Algorithm will hear you!
Bonus : Int. Void – Moments Later

The Algorithm, a towering, angry robot, appears behind You and Kevin. It extends its arms out in a menacing way. You and Kevin shrink in fear.

The Algorithm
Outside Link Detected!!
Kevin
Run!

A Very Accurate Halloween Costume

A Very Accurate Halloween Costume
Bonus Panel
A Very Accurate Halloween Costume

Strip Info

Title
A Very Accurate Halloween Costume
Date
October 30, 2023
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Day

Kevin sits at his desk, drawing on his Cintiq. Behind him, his bird stands on a pumpkin on a table. His bird is wearing a little black t-shirt, blue pants, and a sandy blonde wig, just like Kevin.

Bird
Look! I dressed up as you for Halloween!
Kevin
Oh god…
Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

Kevin’s bird furrows his brow.

Bird (mocking)
“Hi. I’m Kevin. I’m a little bit grumpy all the time…”
Kevin
Please stop.
Panel 3 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

His bird continues:

Bird (mocking)
“…I’d sure be a lot happier if I didn’t tie my self-worth to my productivity…”
Kevin (rolling eyes)
Yeah yeah. Very funny.
Panel 4 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

Kevin’s bird starts to walk away.

Bird (mocking)
“Whelp! Off to make a comic with a mediocre punchline!”

Kevin swivels around in his chair.

Kevin
Oh fuck off!
Bonus Panel : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Later

Later, Kevin’s bird stands in front of an iPad, drawing something. He turns around to see Kevin standing behind him, wearing an ill-fitting green parrot suit — just like him.

Bird
Am I supposed to be offended? You look great!

The Tetris Effect

The Tetris Effect

Strip Info

Title
The Tetris Effect
Date
October 16, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Day

Kevin slouches on his couch, bags under his eyes, playing his Switch. Next to him, an empty bag of Doritos and a few empty beer bottles. His bird, perched above him, leans in.

Bird
Umm… are you okay?
Kevin
I read that playing Tetris helps distract your brain from anxious thoughts.
Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

His bird looks concerned.

Bird
You’ve been playing for the last nine hours straight.
Kevin
Have you seen the news lately?
Panel 3 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

His bird looks off into the distance, thinking, as Kevin goes back to his game.

Panel 4 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

Kevin continues playing, his bird nestled under his arm. The bird lays its head on Kevin’s chest, watching him play.

The Best Streaming Service

The Best Streaming Service
Bonus Panel
The Best Streaming Service

Strip Info

Title
The Best Streaming Service
Date
October 2, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Day

Kevin walks through the front door of his apartment at night, taking off his jacket. His bird sits on a nearby table, playing jacks. The bird looks up at Kevin.

Bird
Hey! Where have you been?
Kevin
At the gas station, filling up my car.
Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

Kevin hangs up his jacket as his bird looks at him skeptically.

Bird
For three hours?
Kevin
Yeah. There was this amazing movie on Gas Station TV.
Panel 3 : Ext. Gas Station – Earlier

Kevin stands at the pump, staring at the tiny gas station TV, holding back tears. He holds the pump handle in his hand. The gas cap on his car is open. He hasn’t even started pumping gas yet. The sun is setting. A line of cars behind him HONK incessantly at him.

Panel 4 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

Kevin shrugs.

Kevin
Scorsese? At the Exxon?!
Bird
These streaming wars are getting out of hand.
Panel 5 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous

An attendant approaches Kevin at the pump.

Attendant
Sir? Are you crying?
Kevin (clearly crying)
No! It’s the gas fumes! Shut up!

Forced Career Change

Forced Career Change
Bonus Panel
Forced Career Change

Strip Info

Title
Forced Career Change
Date
September 25, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

An Instagram icon with arms and legs stands on a table. Kevin stands in front of it, presenting a comic.

Kevin
I’m a cartoonist! I make comics!
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

Instagram snatches the comic from Kevin’s hands. Kevin looks surprised.

Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

Instagram rips up Kevin’s comic as Kevin’s eyes bug out.

Instagram
Now you make videos.
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

Instagram insists.

Instagram
Say it.
Kevin (defeated)
Now I make videos.

Enhance!

Enhance!
Bonus Panel
Enhance!

Strip Info

Title
Enhance!
Date
September 11, 2023
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Police Squad Room – Day

A tech sits in front of a monitor and keyboard. A police sergeant leans over his sholder.

Tech
Sergeant! We have security camera footage from the crime scene!
Sergeant
Show me.
Panel 2 : Int. Police Squad Room – Continuous

Close on the monitor: grainy footage of a parking garage. The sergeant points at a small, dark silhouette of a figure walking.

Sergeant
There’s our perp. Enhance!
Panel 3 : Int. Police Squad Room – Continuous

The footage zooms in 200% on the silhouette. Not much more detail.

Sergeant
Enhance again!
Panel 4 : Int. Police Squad Room – Continuous

The footage zooms in to 400%. A little contrast in the figure, but still not enough.

Sergeant
Enhance using generative A.I.!
Panel 5 : Int. Police Squad Room – Continuous

The footage transforms into a purple-haired anime waifu with… a rather large chest. She winks and throws up the “peace” sign.

Panel 6 : Int. Police Squad Room – Continuous

Back to the tech and the sergeant.

Sergeant
Nice.

Full Disclosure

Full Disclosure
Bonus Panel
Full Disclosure

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Gotham City – Day

Catwoman straddles a prone Batman. With a sly smile, she traces her finger across the bat-symbol on his chest.

Catwoman
So tell me… what’s the Big Bad Bat really afraid of?
Panel 2 : Ext. Gotham City – Continuous

A close-up on Batman. He looks… sad?

Batman
Honestly? I’m afraid that, if I fully process my childhood trauma and grief… I’ll lose my motivation to fight crime.
Panel 3 : Ext. Gotham City – Continuous

A close-up on Catwoman. She looks away in discomfort as Batman continues.

Batman
…And since crime-fighting is such a big part of my identity, I’m afraid losing it will change how I define my masculinity.
Panel 4 : Int. Catwoman’s Hideout – Later

Catwoman sits on the couch of her hideout, looking out the window, concerned. Behind her, Poison Ivy leans over to gossip.

Poison Ivy
Sooo… how’s it going with Batman?
Catwoman
Honestly, it’s been a bit heavy since he started going to therapy…
Bonus Panel : Int. Therapist Office – Later

In full costume, Batman lies on the couch of his therapist’s office. Behind him, in a plush chair, his kindly therapist takes notes.

Therapist
…And how is commmunication with the woman you’re seeing?
Batman
Good! I think she likes me!

Stop Asking

Stop Asking
Bonus Panel
Stop Asking

Strip Info

Title
Stop Asking
Date
August 13, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Party – Day

At a party, a drunk frat guy walks up to Kevin.

Frat Guy
Hey! Cartoon Boy! Put me in one of your comics!
Kevin
Sorry, but no…
Panel 2 : Int. Party – Continuous

The frat guy presses.

Frat Guy
C’mon! I bet I’m funnier than your dumb characters.
Kevin
Oh, I’m sure you are.
Panel 3 : Int. Party – Continuous

Fed up, Kevin explains.

Kevin
Look, no offense, but stop asking cartoonists to be in their comics. It’s just not going to happen, okay?
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

Zoom out to Kevin, sitting at his desk, drawing the comic we’ve just been reading. He lifts his pen from his monitor.

Kevin (realizing)
Wait. (beat) Shit.